Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. This is a novel that takes place in 19th century China - a time when women still bound their feet and were forced to live in seclusion from most of society - namely men. Some girls at the time were paired as "old-sames" - laotong - emotional matches that lasted throughout their lives.

The main character, Lily, is paired with a laotong - a girl from a wealthy family named Snow Flower. These two become best friends. Over the years, however, and due to their seclusion, they are forced to communicate via a secret language, call nu shu. They do this by writing on a fan and passing it back and forth. The novel is told in Lily's voice, as an old woman, recounting her relationship with Snow Flower, their arranged marriages, and the joys and tragedies of motherhood—until a terrible misunderstanding threatens to tear them apart.
 
I give it 3 1/2 (closer to 4) out of 5 stars. It took me a long time to read, not only because I've been crazy busy with school but because it was a pretty intense book. The characters, though likable, are extremely flawed, partly because of their culture. As a woman in the 21st century, it is difficult to understand how a woman in 19th century China handled the cards that were dealt to her. One of the quotes that sum up the woman's existence in China at the time: "When a girl, obey your father; when a wife, obey your husband; when a widow, obey your son." In reality, there isn't a moment of freedom for women in this book, nor, I imagine in China at the time. And, ugh, the foot-binding is God-awful. I never knew the method and I can't imagine the pain. Basically, girls of 6 or 7 are forced to have their feet bound so that their toes are bent under their feet. They are then forced to walk until weeks later, their bones break (the goal) so that when healed, they are forever bent that way. A perfectly bound foot would be about 7 cm long - that's less than 3 inches. Hopefully in that time, infection doesn't set in and they don't die but often times they did. This was done to attract a man. Yuck.
 
Anyway, this book was about the importance of friendships, specifically between women and how such a friendship is often more important, intense and meaningful than a marriage. It illustrates how misunderstandings and an unbendable nature can ruin such a friendship and the price that is often paid because of selfishness. All in all, not too upbeat.